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5 Fashion Trends We Don’t Want To See In 2019 Betches

1. Tiny Sunglasses 😎 A post shared by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on May 7, 2018 at 9:55pm PDT Now, I don’t know that I want to totally deem fanny packs done. But, I do know for certain that I want to go ahead and classify the trend of wearing your fanny pack across your chest as dunzo. Fanny packs in their original form with their intended use actually do make sense, and are in fact quite practical. However, slung across your chest, they become a useless seatbelt-adjacent accessory that pretty much…

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Why Is Ariana Grande Celebrated For Doing What Taylor Swift Is Mocked For? Betches

Like most sentient Americans, I’ve spent the past few weeks in a world where Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next” is the only soundtrack. It’s passed well beyond the point of “great song!” and into the realm of “if I don’t get my daily fix, I will probably die.” I am certain I’m not alone in this, given that “thank u, next” has shattered multiple records in the streaming world. More importantly Ariana Grande Is Cool & Confident Let’s be honest—a huge part of the appeal of “thank u, next” is…

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13 Badass Astronaut & Cosmonaut Stories Everyone Should Hear

Space: it’s the final frontier AND somehow the least popular frontier. A couple decades of successful shuttle launches passed unnoticed. A slew of orbital science experiments didn’t excite anybody. Even the Space Race wasn’t the nation-gripping drama we decided it was retroactively. Why isn’t space travel capturing more imaginations? Why aren’t people more stoked about it? And would it help if we did a rad podcast episode about the most kickass exploits in all of space history? On this week’s episode of The Cracked Podcast, Alex Schmidt is joined by…

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Homicide for the Holidays Is The Most Festive Cure For Your Sunday Scaries Betches

Homicide for the Holidays. Homicide for the Holidayson Amazon A Christmas Story This year’s merry murders include “Christmas Rager,” the story of a 19-year-old mother whose strangled body was found inside an abandoned burning car near Minneapolis a few days before Christmas, “Silent Night,” where a mother and her two daughters are found shot to death in their home after they miss Christmas dinner with their family, and “Bloody New Year’s,” which investigates a serial killer who strikes around NYE. Props to whoever came up with these borderline insensitive episode…

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What No One Tells You About Being Maid Of Honor Betches

I was going to say something about wedding season coming upon us before we know it, but I’m almost 30 and I swear to God, every season is now wedding season. What is it with you people? It’s literally Noah’s Ark with everyone waltzing two-by-two into their 1. Your Friend’s Bridesmaids Are Assholes This one was the most shocking for me. People. F*cking. Suck. I mean I knew that in a general sense, but I know the bride’s friends really well and they still suck. Expect bridesmaids to drop out…

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Last Call To Ruin 2018: Weekend Horoscopes For Dec. 7-9 Betches

Mercury is FINALLY out of retrograde meaning you can resume your normal life. On the other hand, this means that any problems you have currently are your own fault and not the influence of the stars. Then again, Mercury is in retrograde so often you could probably get away with lying and saying it still is. Do you. Gemini You’re in the mood to clean your entire f*cking apartment this week Gemini, and you have to honor that. I mean, when else are you going to be in the mood…

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8 Celebrities Who Watch The Bachelor Religiously Betches

Celebrities, they’re just like us! They get divorced. They abandon social media every so often after realizing how much people suck. They get caught talking sh*t…sort of. Oh, and they waste countless hours of their lives getting wine drunk every Monday and watching The Bachelor. Just, you know, probably with better wine. Who amongst the rich and famous has the same sordid reality TV tastes as you? All the ones you would expect, TBH. I’ll give you a guess: a whole lot of white women, and a few men who,…

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11 Pop Culture Alternate Histories That Almost Happened

Here’s some common sense: the more complicated a machine gets, the more ways it can break down and fall apart. That applies to everything from cars to kids’ toys to Hollywood, and that last thing (Hollywood) is this principle’s most fun application. Because what happens to your favorite movie if any step of the process goes differently? Is it even still that thing you like if it has different writing/casting/directing/editing/releasing/endless continuing list of these things? On this week’s episode of The Cracked Podcast, Alex Schmidt is joined by podcasting titan…

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The Best Dry Shampoo For Every Hair Type Betches

Coffee and dry shampoo is literally the only two things I need to get through the day. We all love dry shampoo and practically owe it our lives for the amount of time it has saved in our daily routines… and saved our asses from getting tardy warnings. While we can obsess over the volume and body it provides our hair with, we also know that depending on dry shampoo just a little too much can be equally as toxic. So if you still plan on using it (and you…

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Lindsay Lohan Is Having Her Best Week In Years Betches

I never realistically thought I’d be saying this in 2018, but things are really going well for Lindsay Lohan right now. Lindsay has had something of a renaissance this year, suddenly becoming relevant after years of mostly being a joke. She’s reinvented herself as some kind of European/Middle Eastern businesswoman over the past couple years, which is obviously better than being passed out in the back of cabs. This summer, her club in Mykonos really took off, and now we have a reality show because of it. Really, I’m so…

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5 Tips For Meeting Your Boyfriends Parents Betches

It’s the holidays, the time of year when all of your relatives are shoved into one house to yell about politics and fight over how much butter to put in the mashed potatoes enjoy some family time. Eventually, if you’re dating someone, you might reach a point where it becomes appropriate to bring your boyfriend along… and vice versa. There’s nothing more terrifying than meeting your boyfriend’s parents. Hopefully, if they’re inviting you for the holidays, it isn’t the very first time you’ve met them, but either way, it’s an…

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11 Historical Facts That Were Way Too Stupid For The Movies

History: it’s the number one topic for filmmakers who want to win an Oscar. From serious movies about American history to serious movies about British history, no subject wins more votes and locks down more statues. Of course the people making those movies would tell you they’re super serious because history was that way, so what else can they do. But what if every period drama could be funnier AND realer if it got over itself? And what if eras from ancient Rome to the twentieth century Cold War featured…

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What We Learned About Stassi & Beau’s Relationship From Stalking Their IG Betches

Season 7 of Vanderpump Rules airs Monday at 9pm, an event I’ve been anticipating with a fervor The Timeline In a February episode of Straight Up with Stassi, Stassi revealed that she and Beau began dating in August 2017. They were introduced by Katie and Kristen, an opening that seems dicey until you realize the still-married Katie and Schwartz were introduced by Kristen too. Hey, maybe she has a career as a matchmaker if the T-shirt line doesn’t take off. As a reminder, Stassi’s breakup with professional sh*thead Patrick Meagher…

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Were Demystifying These 18 Iconic Paranormal Photos And Videos

Cracked pays people to make smart memes. Visit the Photoplasty and Pictofacts Workshop to get in on it. This time of year, the internet is absolutely oozing with weirdly plausible paranormal photos and videos. It was starting to creep us out, so we asked our readers to take a long, objective look at so-called authentic images of ghosts, UFOs, Bigfoot, and other sketchy stuff. Here’s what they came up with. 17 Entry by Sagar Parikh 14 Entry by AnnNeri 11 Entry by Andrea Meno 8 Entry by sonoftime 5 Entry…

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6 Celebrity Couples We’re Shocked Made It Through The Year Betches

Every year, people say “this is the year of devastating celebrity breakups!” Look, we’re all really sad that Jenna Dewan and Channing Tatum didn’t work out, but 2018 was surprisingly a year of toxic couples staying together (???). Pete and Ariana obviously didn’t make it, but things have been weirdly stable other than that. For what it’s worth, when these couples actually break up, the fallout and drama will probably be incredible to watch. But for now, here are some of the most shocking celebrity couples that made it through…

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