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The Best Natural Beauty Products For A Healthy Glow-Up Betches

Slightly switching gears: I am not a health nut because I love Domino’s thin-crust pizza too much (bless up) , but the recent cancer diagnosis of a family member forced me to reevaluate the toxic sh*t I put on and in my body. It’s been real f*ckboys, but I gotta say goodbye. Ladies, do yourselves a favor and look at the ingredients chemicals in your foundation, perfume and lip gloss. Is it just me, or is every ingredient a 15-syllable word that ends in “oxide?” I mean, I feel like Penelope…

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Are Pete Davidson and Kate Beckinsale Astrologically Compatible?

Beckinsale coyly clapping back via Instagram commentsI’ll admit it: I’m charmed by Scorpio and regular Pete Davidson—Ariana Grande’s infamous tweet might have something to do with it. If BDE (“Big Dick Energy” for those of you living on a limited data plan in your mom’s basement) isn’t one of the first things you think when you hear Scorpio, you’re either lying or you’ve been jaded by one. View this post on Instagram Not to make this a competition, but Ariana grande literally got Tiny Barbecue tattooed on her hand .…

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Embarrassing Videos From The ‘Pump Rules’ SURvers’ Pasts Betches

Between the drink throwing, the cheating, and the verbal lashings these people dish out and take each week, the Vanderpump Rules cast has turned reality television into an art form. It almost makes us forget that they first flocked to Los Angeles to, ya know, follow their dreams of acting and modeling. These people have so, so, SO much to be ashamed of based off their show alone, but there’s even more shameful stuff in their past. Let’s take a look at the highlights of their slightly less embarrassing, hilariously…

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This New True Crime Podcast Is The Next Dirty John Betches

If you’ve listened to Dirty John or Dr. Death, then you have an idea of what Wondery’s podcasts offer. They’re grisly, salacious looks into crimes you never knew existed, and honestly my morning commute has never been better. This week, Wondery dropped their newest podcast: Over My Dead Body. It tells the story of Dan and Wendi, “two good-looking attorneys” with “a bad breakup, a worse divorce, and a murder case involving a menagerie of high-priced lawyers and unexpected co-conspirators.” So basically, the details of how a power couple fell apart,…

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Michelle Obama Got Roasted By Her Own Mom Betches

Moms – they refill your debit card comfort you in times of need, feed you in times of hunger, and roast you when it’s time to stay humble. This goes for teachers, coal miners, billionaires, and apparently even first ladies. We all remember Michelle Obama’s iconic Grammys appearance this week, but one person who was less than impressed was Michelle’s own mother, Marian Robinson. Like the true GOAT, Michelle shared a screenshot of her and Mrs. Robinson’s post-Grammys text exchange, and her mom definitely seemed less than impressed. A post…

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I Applied The KonMari Method To Guys In My Phone Betches

Tidying UpIn addition to rolling our clothes, Marie Kondo, the mastermind behind the tidying method, also wants us to throw out all of our sh*t unless it “sparks joy in us.” To which I’d just like to say, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED, MARIE. Look, just because I own all seven seasons of on DVD when I do not own a device with a DVD player anymore doesn’t mean those DVDs don’t spark immense joy in me anymore!! Emily gets itFor the sake of time (I assume if you’re reading this you probably…

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Is Justin Bieber And Hailey Baldwin’s Marriage Doomed? Betches

As a creative writing major, I will start my critique with one positive comment, as you do: Hailey looks stunning on the cover in a white Prada dress and Tiffany & Co jewelry. That’s the only nice thing I have to say because everything else about the cover is pretty horrific, not limited to Justin’s creepy drug dealer smirk. View this post on Instagram But I’m not here to provide an art critique. I got the sense that the article wants me to conclude that Justin and Hailey are perfect for each…

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Are Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston Getting Back Together? Betches

Want to feel old? Jennifer Aniston celebrated her 50th birthday this weekend. Want to feel even older? Enough time has apparently passed that she and ex-husband Brad Pitt are cool enough for him to attend the party. I guess there’s no better way to say “I’m still getting over my second divorce” than by bringing the f*ckboy from your first divorce back into your life. So obviously, the question on everyone’s minds is are Brad and Jen getting back together? The answer is a resounding “maybe”. According to some of…

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It’s Dark Out There: Weekly Horoscopes Feb 11-15 Betches

February is the worst, am I right? It’s dark. It’s somehow still winter. Valentine’s Day is coming. Literally nothing good comes of this month other than the fact that it’s only 28 days long. All we can say is, get through it. These are dark times, my pals. Taurus Forgiveness is a virtue, Taurus. Maybe not one that comes super naturally to you, but a virtue nonetheless. It’s likely that someone you care about will f*ck up this week, and it’s even more likely that you’ll be affected by it.…

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Here’s Why Your Favorite Artists Boycotted the 2019 Grammys Betches

So Why Do People Boycott? This is America24K MagicDamn. 4:44Who Sat Out This Year? also declined a performance slotWhat the Recording Academy lacks in respect of people of color, they make up for in… also lacking respect for their female performers. Last year, Lorde’s (an album whose lyrics I still drunk text exes with) was nominated for Album of The Year—the only female in the category. Not only was she the only female up for the nights biggest prize, but she was the only during the ceremony; instead asked to…

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Lunar New Year, Lunar New You: Weekend Horoscopes February 8-10 Betches

Happy Lunar New Year, betch! It’s officially the Year of the Pig and the stars say that this weekend is the perfect time to connect with your inner pig, aka get messy as hell. Take that last tequila shot! Send that risky text! Rob a f*cking bank!!!* *Betches Media is not responsible for any banks robbed as a result of this post. Read your weekend horoscopes to see what the cosmos have in store for you and your sign. Taurus The Year of the Pig is kind of huge for…

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Odds and Ends 

How A Loneliness Epidemic Snuck Up On Us (with Jason Pargin)

“Social atomization” is a term that sounds like science fiction. It could be the title of a 1950s B-movie where a mad scientist vaporizes a dance party. But when sociologists use that term, “social atomization” is a complementary set of shifts you might have noticed lately: more loneliness, less societal trust, and an increasing feeling that nobody’s got your back. What does it mean if that’s happening to all of us? How can that happen without anybody intending it? And can that impact everything from your personal health to your…

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Riverdale Recap: Justice For Kevin Betches

Riverdalelast week’s episodehats, but make it fashion.” Other things that happened last week that were just as upsetting as Veronica’s choice in accessories: Archie is single, stupid, and without a legitimate excuse to take off his shirt each episode. I’m v worried about his emotional well-being. Betty was still rekindling her relationship with her father despite the fact that he murdered all of her friends, and Veronica set fire to Hiram’s entire drug stash before Hermione could profit from it. I applaud that level of pettiness. And if you think…

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Who Is Cooke Maroney, Jennifer Lawrence’s Fianc? Betches

It’s been a while since I’ve thought about Jennifer Lawrence, and honestly, it was a nice break. She’s taken a couple years out of the spotlight, which was enough time that I’m no longer annoyed at the thought of her relatable girl schtick. Good thing, because JLaw is back, and she’s engaged. We’ve known for a while that she was dating Cooke Maroney, but their engagement seemingly came out of nowhere. So who is Cooke Maroney, other than that a white man with two last names? Let’s discuss. Cooke Maroney…

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Kylie Jenner’s House Is Basic, And So Is She Betches

Architectural Digest Architectural Digest One theme that comes through the article is that Kylie Jenner, despite having a mansion filled with thousand-dollar bespoke furniture, is actually so relatable. Is there anything more insufferable than being rich, famous, and artificially gorgeous, and yet still insisting you are like us regular people who don’t have mini Lamborghinis for our one-year-old daughters and unlimited access to lip fillers and, oh yeah, a f*cking custom-designed mansion to live in? No. And yet, celebrities insisting they are just like us is a common narrative that we see…

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