Odds and Ends 

Movies That Would Cause Outrage If The Genders Were Reversed

Let’s be honest: When gender-swapping famous roles, Hollywood writers usually don’t change much beyond the names and pronouns. A female Indiana Jones would still make droll quips and get dragged behind vehicles. But if you really want to see how weird Hollywood’s gender standards are, imagine some famous existing movies with the roles reversed. Think about … The Shape Of Water is an Oscar-certified Best Picture story about a mute woman who has an immediate connection with a mysterious fish creature being held captive in a secret government science lab.…

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5 Reasons Cryptocurrency Is Way Dumber Than You Thought

Hey, remember how you never invested in Bitcoin in 2009 because you’d never heard of Bitcoin and didn’t really care about magic internet money? Same. And remember how in 2017, everyone and their uncles started talking about how Bitcoin was now worth a shitillion dollars and you totally should’ve gotten on the train in 2009? Same. So now “cryptocurrency” is everywhere, and barely anyone understands it. (“So it’s basically new types of digital money that any jackass can invent, and then other people start treating it as valuable? And tons…

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7 Times Google Maps Straight Up Ruined People’s Lives

Have you ever gotten mad at Google Maps for underestimating how long a road trip would take, or telling you to turn left when it was really more of a light merge? How about for nearly leading you to an agonizing death in the desert, or nudging nations ever so slightly closer to nuclear war? People, companies, and even governments have blindly followed Google Maps to such disastrous destinations. You’d almost think the app is getting its revenge for all the times we’ve asked it to look at “Batman, Turkey.”…

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Why Time In The Star Trek Universe Makes No Freaking Sense

For some inexplicable reason, it appears that the entire Star Trek universe has adopted Earth’s system of time — 24-hour days, seven-day weeks, and 365-day years. But why should a Romulan or Ferengi conceptualize the passage of time based on the rotation of one lone planet in the Terran system? Sure, there are “stardates,” but those are a “ Somehow, The Flat Earth Movement Is Just Getting Crazier In the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “Chain Of Command,” the Enterprise crew briefly switches from a three-shift rotation (three eight-hour…

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5 Upcoming Movies That Look Good And Crazy

It’s hard to keep up with every upcoming movie. The 27 superhero movies being released in 2018 alone are enough to tax anyone’s attention span to its limit, and since their collective advertising budget is larger than the GDP of most nations, you don’t even have to go out of your way to learn about them. So to help you stay in touch with contemporary culture, especially the parts that involve Nicolas Cage wielding a chainsaw, we’ve picked out five upcoming movies that could be worth your precious time. Hood…

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19 Movies That Are Ruined By The Actor Playing The Lead

We’re making memes smarter. So can you. Visit the Photoplasty and Pictofacts Workshop to get started. Most movies have at least one cringeworthy performance that most of us are willing to overlook. But what happens when it’s the actor playing the main character who is the problem? We asked our readers to call out the most scenery-chewingly awful performances by actors in a leading role. The winner is below, but first, the runners-up: 18 Entry by burritomouth 15 Entry by PollyDarton 12 Entry by kiwijesus 9 Entry by Mihailocukk 6…

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How Violent Video Games Might Be Screwing With Your Brain

I’ve been committing war crimes in video games since the goddamned Carter era. In a game last night, I used a combination of a flamethrower and a trained bear to kill a man who I think was just trying to change a tire on his car. I’m typing this on a solid gold computer I bought with money made The evidence for that is weak to nonexistent. I do think violent video games can make some people into raging, intolerant jerks via a process that is rarely talked about. I…

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Sean Penn Wrote The Worst Novel In Human History, I Read It

Sean Penn recently released Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff. It is, ostensibly, a novel. Sarah Silverman To help you prepare yourselves, here are just a few of Penn’s many atrocities against the English language (he really likes alliteration): Criminal crumbs and corresponding celebrity crusts, bound together by dough. 1 The (Barely Existent) Plot Is Complete Nonsense Perhaps the only thing you need to know about Penn’s book is that the brief first chapter, about three elderly people getting murdered in their retirement home, is called “Seeking Homeostasis in Inherent…

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6 Underreported Reasons Why The NRA Is Just The Worst

With AR-15s in the news because of [insert this week’s horribly depressing reason here], there’s a chance you might be feeling rather peeved at the organization making sure guns are plentiful and easy to purchase in America, the National Rifle Association. But regardless of your politics, you’ve got to give the NRA some credit for their skill at hiding horrifying stories that would kill any other organization. Their feats range from preventing any real attempts at studying firearm violence to, well … The Miraculous Cat That Survived THREE Shipwrecks The…

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13 Myths About Society Too Many People Believe

I am to science what Albert Einstein was to trap music. All I can do is defer to the experts, and what the experts say is alarmingly different from what I’m hearing from friends and headlines. So here’s a pile of commonly believed things which people smarter than me, using scientific methods, have said are probably bullshit. there’s no measurable difference in work ethic among Baby Boomers, Gen-Xers, and Millennials. I think the reason for the misconception, aside from people turning into dicks as they get old because their backs…

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24 Things You Really Need People To Stop Bragging About

We’re making memes smarter. So can you. Visit the Photoplasty and Pictofacts Workshop to get started. Thanks to social media, literally everyone can share every passing thought with the world. And quite a few of those thoughts seem to involve bragging, both humble and otherwise. The thing is, a bafflingly large amount of boasts are about things no sane person should be proud of. We asked our readers to name the most annoying examples. The winner is below, but first, the runners-up: 23 Entry by Chan Teik Onn 20 Entry…

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Native Americans Treated Trans People Better Than We Do Now

When you hear the angry rhetoric from politicians about preserving gendered bathrooms and abolishing transgender rights, you might think, “If things are still this tough for transgender people today, I can’t imagine how bad they were in the past.” While that’s not always wrong, it’s not always right, either. Hundreds of years ago, some Native American tribes actually held a deep respect for people who identified themselves as outside the gender binary — or as they were called, “two-spirits.” It was believed that such people were especially important, as they…

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5 Stupid Things We Need To Stop Clicking On

We are living through the final gasps of the Information Age. Experts estimate that 62 percent of all information we now receive is deliberately false, and that includes the percentage and experts I made up at the start of this sentence. The sad truth is, most of you will never have the critical thinking or research skills to know what’s real, and that will only make you more sure about the wrong things your stupid ass believes. The good news is that this article isn’t about that shit. The fake…

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Why Americans Hate The Poor (with David Wong & John Cheese)

If you’ve never received a free lunch at school, you’ve avoided the most persistent and institutionalized form of bullying in American society. Because that food that doesn’t cost money DOES cost a level of shame that other kids don’t have to experience. It’s also shame that’s often coming from official school rules, doled out by authority figures, because our society has low-key written that into law. Which begs the question: why are we dunking on our own poor kids, when they never asked to be born into that jam? On…

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Master ALL The IT Skills On Your Own Terms With This Bundle

This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there. There are a lot of reasons to want a job in the IT industry. Maybe you love the challenge of problem-solving. Maybe you love helping people, and rejiggering their busted-up computers warms your heart. Maybe the sounds of clicking and typing keep … the demons at bay. None of those reasons is more right than the others. However, there is a right way to start working in the…

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