Headlines 

The One Crop Top Workout You Need To Look Good In Your Halloween Costume

If you thought you could kiss your summer body goodbye forever and head straight to the sleeve of BBQ Pringles in your pantry, maybe we should remind you Halloween is around the corner. Whether you’re being a slutty bunny for the eighth year in a row or getting regretfully creative with some cringeworthy political costume, you’re probably planning on showing a lot of skin, so you’ll need to look like you haven’t completely let yourself go since the Fourth of July. Here’s a quick workout that burns calories and targets…

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Top 7 Foods You Can Shamelessly Eat Now That Summer Bodies Are Over

Thank GOD I don’t have to starve myself to look okay half-naked on a beach until at least March of 2018. Idk about you, but I have literally no self-control, and summer is the fucking worst, because frolicking in water panties (it’s what they are, accept it) without having a gut is awesome, but so are french fries and doughnuts. In honor of fall coming to save us from our skinny misery (hot but terrible), here’s a list of our favorite foods that we can eat shamelessly once more, now…

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Here Are Your Weekend Horoscopes For September 15-17

Gemini You’ll have a decision to make this weekend, Gemini: either take the next step and leap into the unknown or stay where you are. Depending on your situation, either could be the right move. In my oh so humble opinion, if there’s a situation in which you’re even considering taking a risk and changing things up, you should do it. Not because I’m a monster for change or anything, but because if you’re at the point where you’re already thinking about it, you probably need it. Don’t be afraid…

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Things You Put In Your Dating Profile Bio That Are Immediate Red Flags To Guys

Hi everyone! I’m a straight dude who The Betches feel is probably a lot like the guy you’re texting/hooking up with. So they’ve been asking me questions in search of straightforward, honest answers that the guy you’re seeing probably won’t be able to give. I’ve broken down the dating apps, one-piece bathing suits, job titles, and sex numbers. So grab that phone, go take a poop (don’t worry, I won’t tell) and enjoy The Betches’ next question of the male mind… This article isn’t to say that guys don’t have…

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Odds and Ends 

6 Reasons Good People Turn Into Monsters

I want this phrase added to the American flag: Hating a bad thing does not make you good. Put it in place of some of the stars or something. It’s important. It’s one of those things everyone knows, right up until it’s convenient to not know it. Hell, hating bad people doesn’t even necessarily get you closer to being a better person. The Klan hates ISIS, but we don’t count that as a point in their favor. Yet I’m pretty sure that most of what we consider being good in…

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The Most Inaccurate Parts About ‘The Bold Type’ That Make Literally No Sense

After finishing and not knowing what to do with my life, I figured I’d give a try. This was for a few reasons. One, it’s all on Hulu. Two, the same friend who harassed recommended I try is also super into . So I figured, why not give it a go? Mistake. I mean, first of all, the shows are not similar at all. Second of all, is so unrealistic I rage quit after like, 10 minutes. I am told that the show does get really good, but sorry, I couldn’t…

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7 Halloween Couples Costume Ideas That Won’t Make Everyone Hate You

Oh boy, here it comes. Get ready for the onslaught of scarves, Uggs, pumpkin spice lattes, oversized sweaters, and unnecessary diving-into-leaves posts. With all this autumnal celebrating comes the preparation for Halloween, also known as the night we dress as total sluts and no one can say anything, because was the voice of our generation. Since Halloween cuts a lil close to cuffing season, you may be in search of a couples costume. We find this despicable and totally extra, but if you HAVE to dress up with your significant other and…

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Amanda Stanton Tweeted Out A Photo Of Robby Hayes Cheating On Her

It’s been a crazy day in the world of The Bachelor. First we learned that Arie is disgusting. Well, okay, I realize the way I phrased that might not actually be news to anyone who’s ever set eyes on Arie since 2012. What I mean is, reports that he bangs whole sorority houses surfaced on Reddit. But then shit got even crazier when Amanda Stanton tweeted a photo of Robby Hayes cheating on her, or so it seems. Actual footage of Bachelor Nation today: Ohhh shit. Good luck denying THAT,…

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The Best ‘Bachelor In Paradise’ Finale Recap You’ll Ever Read: The Last Day Of Amanda’s Childless Vacation

Well fam, we did it. We made it to the finale of and all it took was one sex ed class from Chris Harrison, a crudely mishandled sexual assault allegation, the downfall of Dean, and more scallop jokes than were really necessary. BUT WE FUCKING DID IT. I feel like I’ve aged 20 years in the process and my liver has definitely taken a hit here, but I guess I’ll do anything for cause to watch reality TV rejects fornicate on a Mexican beach, even if it jeopardizes my health…

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Arie’s First ‘Bachelor’ Promo Is Here And Its As Unappealing As He Is

It’s happening. It’s really happening. A random old man is going to be The Bachelor. ABC released the first promo for season 22 of and it’s well…about as interesting as Arie Luyendyk Jr. I mean, in the trailer’s defense, it is short. Like, 30 seconds. Which is about as much time as I want to dedicate to this season of. It also focuses entirely on the one and only interesting fact about Arie, which is that he is a race car driver. Okay. And truly, my heart goes out to…

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Creepy British Fuckboy Will Not Stop Playing The Piano In Public Until His Ex Takes Him Back

This weekend while you were busy focusing on the 15 hurricanes, wildfires, earthquakes, and tsunamis that were bearing down on the U.S., you may have missed news of another horrifying natural disaster than unexpectedly struck Bristol, U.K. this Saturday. I’m talking, of course, about 34-year-old Luke Howard, who went viral setting up a piano on College Green so that he can play continuously until he “gets his girlfriend back.” Now, if you’ll excuse me, I just groaned so loud my coworkers demanded I go to the hospital. Ugh. Where to…

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Follow Your Dreams Now Because We All Might Die Tomorrow: Your Weekend Horoscopes September 8-10

It’s been a weird week, betches. The West Coast is engulfed in flames. Houston is underwater, Florida is soon to follow. The Caribbean is fucked. There are more hurricanes coming than I care to count, oh, and a giant earthquake hit Mexico yesterday, likely to trigger a Tsunami or two. So yeah, things are weird and global warming is still fake. You didn’t click on a link for weekend horoscopes to be burdened by all the horrific things that are happening around the world. In fact, you were probably trying…

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Headlines 

ABC Chose A Total Rando As The Next Bachelor

I woke up on this fine Thursday morning, the weather was feeling great and I was happy not completely miserable to be alive. And then fucking ABC went and ruined it. Rumors had been swirling for days—nay, weeks—that Peter was going to be our next Bachelor. We got all hyped up to see our favorite gap-toothed regulation hottie try to find love. And then ABC announced the next Bachelor and it’s… Arie Luyendyk Jr. WHO??? Arie was supposedly a runner-up on Emily Maynard’s season. And again I ask, WHO??? She…

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Headlines 

8 Guys Who’d Make A Better Bachelor Than Arie Luyendyk Jr.

Yesterday, ABC decided to ruin my life announced who the next Bachelor is and he is a total rando. That’s right people, the new Bachelor is a complete stranger to me, Arie fucking Luyendyk Jr., a man who was on FIVE YEARS AGO and who also looks about as fresh as the 40-year-old on Tinder I accidentally swiped right on. Because that’s clearly what America asked for: an accidental Tinder swipe. First of all, ABC, how dare you. The last time Arie was relevant to this franchise, I was drinking…

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Odds and Ends 

If You Thought Game Of Thrones Felt Off, You’re Not Wrong

Game Of Thrones just finished its seventh season and lots of people didn’t like it and it’s still basically the best thing on the television, so …. Huh. I guess, pick up the pace lesser television shows? Maybe make time for some frigging dragons or at least a eunuch, NCIS. Read Next And then he got his head chopped off. Holy shit! Clearly this was a different type of show entirely, and Martin would return to this blood-filled well again and again, brutally killing off major characters at weddings across…

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