1. But if you’re colorblind, then how can you read?
2. How do you spell TV?
3. On a map, is the blue part the water or the sky?
4. Is Ash Wednesday this Friday?
5. How do you say salsa in Spanish?
6. Wasn’t me, but my twin brothers: “With people confusing you all the time, do you ever forget which one you are?”
7. What kind of meat is in beef and broccoli?
8. Before cell phones I got a call from a buddy on my house phone, ?
9. This girl asked me how you ice fish when the fish are all frozen under the ice. She was 22.
10. What will happen if there are people born on February 29? Will they stay their ages until the leap year or change their ages?
11. Does the drink come with a cup?
12. Are you from China or Asia?
13. Was the ice age before or after the middle ages?
14. How long before this water expires?
15. Is Cinco de Mayo always on the 5th of May?
16. How do you type Roman numerals into a word document?
17. Can you get pregnant from a blowjob?
18. Does wine have milk in it?
19. Has Halloween ever been on Friday the 13th?
20. When the sun goes down, is it nighttime in the universe?
21. Someone asked me if my dog’s eyes were naturally that color or if she was wearing colored contacts.
22. What plant do shrimp grow on?
23. Oh the score is 1-1, well that’s good, but whose score is higher?
24. How long does one hour take?
25. Upon hearing I was Jewish, a co-worker asked me in all seriousness:
“Oh, is that just 8 days of Christmas?”
26. While watching with a group of friends, my brother’s girlfriend, 30 minutes in looks confused and upset and looks me in my eyes and asks, “If their parents died, are they still sisters?” She had been thinking about it for 30 minutes. I had to console her and let her know that if her parents died, her sister would still be her sister.
27. At a party, a friend asked me if dogs can get cancer. I answered, “Yes, why?”
“Because I’ve never seen a hairless dog.”
28. As a receptionist for a retail store.
Customer: What time do you close?
29. Do you have a mother?
30. I had to fire someone and they looked me straight in the eye and said, “Does that mean I don’t have to come in tomorrow?”
31. This was in a 911 call that I answered. She meant theoretical, but I was like, “Well technically I can’t, but ask away.”
32. I asked my mom if I had been born in 1888, or 1988?
33. “Why did you ring this up as steak burrito and not a vegetarian burrito?” – a man who asked me to put steak on his burrito.
34. As a 911 operator, a caller once asked (on an emergency line) what the weather would be like on Thanksgiving Day in a desert resort popular with off-roaders, that’s located about 100 miles away from our city. It was April.
35. “Won’t they hatch?”
Asked by a guy who had just thrown out two dozen eggs that had *just* passed their expiration date. He was concerned about having 24 little chicks running around inside his refrigerator. Dude was a university-level science major.
36. What do you mean buffalo wings don’t come from buffalos?
37. At what elevation do deer turn into elk?
38. How long is the ten minute break?
39. Guy asked me if I could speak English, while we were talking in English.
40. Because my eyes aren’t right.
They help me to see.