Take a look around you. Can you see more than 30/50/100 people? Maybe they’re colleagues, maybe they’re strangers, but now you are cursed with the knowledge that – statistically speaking – one or more of them has made a poop in the shower. If you ask 29 of them and they all deny it, congratulations, the shower pooper is you (this is a joke before you start informing me about statistics thankyouverymuch).
A survey of the bathroom habits of Americans and British people by QS Supplies has found out all sorts of stuff about what people like to get up to in there. Among some gross stuff (53 percent of respondents said they wash fewer than seven times per week) and some gross but not altogether surprising stuff (68 percent of men and 56 percent of women pee in the shower), there were some more “what the f-” stats in there.
It turns out that 1 in 30 people have done a poo in the shower and will admit to it. But it gets worse than that; these were people who admitted they had defecated in a work shower.
This is obviously a lot more people than you’d like it to be. Maybe they screwed up somehow, or the sample size was too small (it was only just over 1,000 – maybe they just chose from an unusually pro-shower-shitting pool of participants, or only surveyed people who had called out a plumber to deal with “an urgent shower situation”, we’re grasping at straws here). However, other non-believers have been running their own polls, and they’re all coming up with roughly the same number.
We have several questions including: What the hell? Do you realize a toilet is right there? And seriously what the hell?? We also have some fairly urgent questions about mashing and plughole dynamics that are best left to the imagination.
The survey also found that of those people that use work showers, 1 in 3 say they have peed in there. Which is gross, but doesn’t really cut through when people have been dropping a deuce in there. Besides, maybe they’re doing it for environmental reasons and we should applaud their efforts to save the planet.
But the work shower news continues to get worse, with 1 in 4 saying they’ve blown their nose in there, 1 in 5 saying they’ve spit, and 1 in 20 saying they’ve masturbated in there. That’s not environmental. That’s not environmental at all. Stop it.