Odds and Ends 

Murder, Cheat, And Fuck Your Way Through Boston

This feature requires JavaScript to function. It’s a Thursday morning, and you’re sitting around with nothing to do. You had a job, but it exploded, so now you’re stuck here in your boring house. Suddenly, your phone rings. Ignore the phone and go outside to look at parts of the planet Earth. Are you the mailman? Answer the phone. Boston. The diamond in America’s face. The place where a dog died. A sprawling metropolis filled with history, culture, stores, some roads, and a guy who kissed a lady here once.…

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Can You Escape From Hell?

This feature requires JavaScript to function. Keep driving. Swerve. Drive head-on into Martin Scorsese. Uh-oh. Looks like Marty isn’t getting it. Shout at Martin Scorsese to get out of the road. Swerve. Drive head-on into Martin Scorsese. “Do you know about any good restaurants in NYC?” Shout at Martin Scorsese to get out of the road. Swerve. Start Over But you do. You’re in Hell now. “Hell is where people go when they are bad like me,” says a little boy behind you. “It is bad.” How do I get…

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Youre Adam, The First Man! Can You Eat The Right Fruit And Overthrow God?

This feature requires JavaScript to function. … …… aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT Everything you are is screaming. You? What is “You”? Wait, but something else is screaming. Clench something. Clench something. You make the thing happen and now your throat’s in the mix. Throats are one of the main things. Here’s what your throat does: “Guhhh.” But screaming was more fun, so now you have preferences. The Voice is still going. Its language sears itself into you. “IT’S TALKING, OKAY, OKAY GET IT TOGETHER! GET IT TOGETHER! HELLO! HI! HELLO!”…

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Youre Santa! Can You Master The Sleigh And Deliver Gifts To All The Good Boys And Girls?

This feature requires JavaScript to function. This is you. You’re Santa Claus. I’m definitely Santa Claus, but unfortunately, I need to explode right away. You’ve been lying unconscious on the frigid tundra of the North Pole since last Christmas. In order to make sure you didn’t starve during your year-long slumber, arctic pelicans have been coming up to you and laying eggs into your mouth 24/7 since last Christmas. Every pelican lays about 200 eggs at a time, and they’ve just been squirting them right down Santa’s sleeping throat all…

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House-Sit For Your Neighbors While Theyre On Vacation!

This feature requires JavaScript to function. Go answer the door. Okay. PLESH! Fievel is a cunning mouse from a motion picture, you learn. This is the first you have heard of him. The knocking at the door has stopped. Deal! I have no questions. Please go away to vacation now. Go house-sit for the Pleshes. You walk across the street to the Pleshes’ house. You are excited to go in and do a good job so that you can earn money. You plan to use the money to buy a…

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Can You Keep Up A Conversation With Your Dad?

This feature requires JavaScript to function. Yes. Absolutely. Check the basement. Check the patio. Go to his office and check there. Hmm. Nope, not here. Check the den. Check his office. You are shocked not to find your dad in the kitchen, a place he can often be found. Check the patio. Check his office. No dads here on the patio. Check the kitchen. Check his office. You walk into your dad’s office building. “Oh, you must be Dad’s kid,” says your dad’s boss, Mrs. Clakswaby. “He’s not here right…

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Can You Tell Which Of These People Lost A Lot Of Weight And Which Ones Just Bought Big Pants?

See how many you can guess! Our state-of-the-art quizzes require JavaScript. Lost A Lot Of Weight Wrong! Caroline has been a size four since 1995, but that didn’t stop her from going to Bloomingdale’s this weekend, demanding to see the largest pair of pants in the whole store, purchasing the pants, and getting a friend to take a picture of her standing in them! 3. Just Bought Big Pants Correct! Roger spent $40 on these big pants. Definitely worth it! Lost A Lot Of Weight Correct! Felicia owes her amazing…

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Its Your First Day At A New High School. Can You Become Popular?

This feature requires JavaScript to function. Take a deep breath and march boldly through the front door. Go lie down on the grass instead. Wow, school. The place where knowledge happens. How exciting it is to be in your new stomping grounds. You’ve been told to go to the atrium, where your orientation buddy will be waiting to show you around the school. Go inside high school. “Are you Kevin? It is me, Ormul, your orientation buddy!” he says. “The school has chosen me to be your new best friend.…

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Youre A Single-Celled Organism. Can You Evolve Into A Duck?

This feature requires JavaScript to function. Okay, so. Im on the thing. You are this. You know life is me. … Never mind. Great. For your first act as a living thing, you die. You did not manage to evolve into a duck. Share Your Results Surrender yourself to the vision. You surrender yourself to the vision. You think about this. Ah…a duck. Its perfect. So it is resolved: You will be this thing. Someday, the child of the child of your distant descendant will wake up, and it will…

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Your Parents Are Going Out Of Town. Host The Party Of The Year!

This feature requires JavaScript to function. Hell yes. Knowledge is power, and power is everything. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! screams your clock again, but later now. Does it hate you? Yes. Anyway, probably time to get up, right? Keep hitting snooze. You keep hitting snooze, and eventually, your clock gives up, because humans will always beat machines in the end. You sleep for a long, long time. You dream about gliding over a small island nation ruled by batteries, and about French-kissing your cousin with the two lazy eyes. You manage…

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