Odds and Ends 

Its Time To Marry Rob

This feature requires JavaScript to function. This is Rob. You are in love with Rob. I do not think I love Rob. Rob is your No. 1 boyfriend extraordinaire. He knows all the romance moves. He once bought you a rose, but a dog ate it. Yes, I remember that day well. That was the happiest day of my life. Youre goddamn right you love Rob. He is the only slab of beefcake that your libido can understand. Rob travels the country selling cups of freezing-cold vinegar out of the…

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Heartbreaking: This Incredibly Loyal Paparazzo Still Waits Outside The Dry Cleaner Amy Winehouse Used To Use

You may want to grab some tissues, because youre probably going to need them. Theres a paparazzo in London whos so devoted to his favorite subject that its as touching as it is downright tragic: The sad soul can be found seven days a week, 365 days a yearrain or shinehaunting the alleyway outside Amy Winehouses old dry cleaner in London with his camera at the ready, despite the fact shes been dead for six years. It just doesnt get more heartbreaking than that. The loyal paps name is Dominic…

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Feminists Dont Want To Admit It, But Its Actually Biological Gender Differences That Keep Women From Succeeding In My Meticulously Engineered Mega-Labyrinth

Anyone whos spent even a little bit of time around the internet in recent years knows that feminists and social justice warriors will take any opportunity to cry discrimination, but its time we had a dispassionate discussion and examined the empirical realities of fairness and equality in gender. If we look at the facts, its clear that, despite what some would have you think, its not so-called sexism but instead biological gender differences that keep women from succeeding in my meticulously engineered, six-story mega-labyrinth. Every year, I abduct hundreds of…

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Getting Desperate: Tucson Is Claiming The Apocalypse Has Decimated The Rest Of The Country To Prevent Millennials From Escaping To Cooler Cities

Many smaller cities in the United States are struggling to keep younger generations from moving away, and Tucson, Arizona is no exception. In order to entice more residents to stay, the city recently started a revolutionary new advertising campaign: Tucson is claiming that the apocalypse has decimated the rest of the country to prevent millennials from escaping to cooler cities. Wow. Sounds like theyre really pulling out all the stops. As of this morning, city officials have reportedly hijacked all local news channels to make it appear as though the…

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Our Brave Savior: Donald Trump Is Working TIRELESSLY To Return The Precious White Orbs Obama STOLE From The FURIOUS Dwarf King That Lives Under America

President Trump is hard at work to fix the disaster that idiot clown Obama left America in. The socialist bozo STOLE the Dwarf Kings precious white orbs, and the dwarven monarch is FURIOUS and SWEARS VENGEANCE against the surface world unless his beloved stone spheres are returned to his SUBTERRANEAN KINGDOM. Fortunately, Donald J. Trump is toiling around the clock to DELIVER the white orbs into HOLES leading back underground where they belong. Thank you, Mr. President. Your hard labor is all that stands between the United States and the…

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7 Times The Person Who Writes The Netflix Episode Descriptions Ended The Episode Description With A Little Update About Their Life

Whoevers writing these episode descriptions has no qualms using Netflix as her personal journal. 1. That time the persons sister had a baby 2. That time the person got scratched by her roommates cat 3. That time the person was betrayed by her sister 4. That time the person realized she hadnt been betrayed by her sister 5. That time the person got her roommates cat sick 6. That time the persons roommates cat died 7. That time the person missed her nieces christening Read more: http://www.clickhole.com/article/7-times-person-who-writes-netflix-episode-descript-6310

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Etiquette Guide: 7 Mistakes Every First-Timer Makes When Trying To Fit In With The Nude Old Men Watching MSNBC In The Gym Locker Room

Making the choice to bond with the naked elderly men at the gym is a big decision, and one that rookies are always sure to bungle. Here are the seven mistakes every first-timer makes when trying to fit in with the nude old men watching MSNBC in the locker room. 1. Thinking you can approach them while also completely nude: Youve got to earn your stripes, pal. Whether you like it or not, youll just have to accept that youre a towel boy until the crew thinks youre ready to…

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Master Diplomat: Pundits Have Noted Similarities Between Trumps N. Korea Statements And JFKs Iconic Prepare To Be Radioactive Skeletons, Motherfuckers Speech That De-escalated The Cuban Missile Crisis

When President Donald Trump delivered a tough warning to North Korea on Tuesday, he was following in the footsteps of one of Americas greatest statesmen. As numerous Washington pundits have now noted, Trumps threat to unleash fire and fury on North Korea bears strong resemblance to JFKs historic Prepare To Be Radioactive Skeletons, Motherfuckers speech that he delivered during the Cuban Missile Crisis. At the peak of the Cold War, tensions were high, and even a slight miscalculation by President Kennedy could have plunged the world into nuclear conflict. JFK…

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PR Nightmare: Make-A-Wish Accidentally Sent A Costumed Hero Named Terminally Ill Spider-Man To A Healthy Kids House And Asked The Child To Comfort Him In His Final Hours

Yeesh, the Make-A-Wish Foundation is not looking too good right now. The nonprofit organization usually does an excellent job of making sick kids happy, but earlier this week a clerical error really threw a wrench into things for them. Instead of sending Spider-Man to visit a terminally ill child, they arranged for a completely healthy child to meet with a superhero named Terminally Ill Spiderman. Its an understandable mistake, but it still ruined an afternoon for healthy 8-year-old Michael Cooper, who heard a feeble knocking at his door announcing the…

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Use The Internet To See If Homestar Runner Is Censored, And 4 Other Tips For A Perfect Day In Hong Kong

If youve only got 24 hours in Hong Kong, here are the things you absolutely have to do! 1. Use the Chinese internet and see if Homestar Runner is censored: Any good traveler knows about Chinese internet censorship, but if you went and visited Homestarrunner.com in Hong Kong, would the government actually try and stop you? Who knows, but while youre there, maybe just go ahead and check in on Homestar and the gang! That is, assuming Xi Jinping doesnt have it out for them. 2. Trip over an extension…

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