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A Real Shame: Brian Williams Is Being Forced To Resign From MSNBC After Leaked Documents Have Revealed That Hes A Hillbilly

Brian Williams once boasted a reputation of being the most trusted name in news, but he’s now found himself in the midst of a controversy that has left him utterly disgraced. In a shocking turn of events, the iconic broadcaster is being forced to resign from MSNBC after leaked documents have revealed that he’s a hillbilly. While at first the network considered suspending Williams until the outcry subsided, it ultimately decided to cut ties altogether, as his sudden fall from grace was only accelerated after the public caught wind of…

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Gamers Rejoice: Steam Is Having A Sale This Week On 50 Pounds Of Hot Salad For Only $5

If you’re a big-time gamer, you might want to get your credit card ready, because Steam just launched a brand-new sale that almost seems too good to be true. According to a recent post on the store’s front page, 50 pounds of hot salad will be available on Steam all week for only $5! You owe it to yourself to take advantage of this amazing deal. Wow. If you aren’t already sold on this awesome bargain, check out hot salad’s discounted listing on Steam and get hyped: Despite the insanely…

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Public Alert: The CDC Has Issued A Recall For All Romaine Lettuce Because Its Time For Pizza!

If you haven’t heard the news yet, pay attention, because there’s been an urgent public alert issued by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: Effective immediately, there is a nationwide recall for all romaine lettuce because it’s time for pizza! In a statement released earlier today, the CDC urged Americans to throw out any and all romaine lettuce bought in the past week because it’s time for some cheesy, piping-hot pizza with all your favorite toppings! The agency’s statement also warns that anybody who consumes romaine salad products of…

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The NRA Is Claiming That The Tennessee Waffle House Shooting Would Not Have Happened If An Armed Teacher Had Been Teaching A Math Class There

After yesterday’s tragic shooting at a Waffle House in Antioch, TN, the NRA has once again come forward to reiterate their support of gun rights and the Second Amendment. Early this morning, NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre held a press conference to discuss how such episodes of gun violence can be prevented by well-trained, armed school teachers who happen to be holding math class in a Waffle House. “I have no doubt in my mind that if a well-armed teacher with easy access to a firearm had been teaching…

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A Slippery Slope: Could Bill Cosbys Conviction Lead To A Mob Mentality Where Society Wantonly Punishes Any Serial Rapist After Decades Of Inaction?

Bill Cosby was convicted today on three counts of aggravated indecent assault, and though it seems Cosby is in fact guilty, the frenzied mass reaction from the public raises a troubling question: Could Bill Cosby’s conviction lead to a mob mentality where society wantonly punishes any serial rapist after decades of inaction? If we let ourselves get caught up in mass hysteria and punish a man for living out most of his life as a serial rapist, we’re setting a dangerous precedent that will allow us to remorselessly convict long-ignored…

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Bowing Out: Justin Timberlake Has Retired From Singing After Realizing That You Can Just Work In An Office

One of pop music’s most iconic superstars just announced that he’s stepping away from the microphone for good. Earlier today, Justin Timberlake issued a statement letting the world know that he’s retiring from singing after realizing you can just work in an office. Wow. This is truly the end of an era. Timberlake’s shocking message goes on to describe dozens of other reasons why he finds working in an office far superior to being a pop singer, including an anecdote of how he recently learned that in offices you’re allowed…

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The 5 Neighbor Kids Who Drink From The Birdbath In My Backyard, Ranked By Whether It Seems Like Theyre Doing It For Fun Or Survival

I have a beautiful birdbath in my backyard that my husband and I enjoy tending to very much. Several children in the neighborhood have begun drinking from it regularly. Here’s a list of all the kids who have been drinking out of my birdbath, ranked by whether it seems like they’re doing it for fun or survival. 5. Danny Taylor There’s no doubt in my mind that Danny Taylor drinks from my birdbath for fun. He’s all laughs and giggles every day after school as he dashes down the street…

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4 Ways Hephaestus Needs To Step It Up Before Ill Even Think About Worshipping Him

The Greek god of metalworking has been trying to get me to pray to him for some time now, and honestly, it’s getting a little old. I’m all about being open to new religious icons, but before I pledge my spiritual allegiance to a greater power, I need to know that my needs are being addressed. Here are four ways Hephaestus needs to step it up before I’ll even think about worshipping him. 1. He needs a cool place of worship near my house: Half the fun of choosing a…

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Awkward: Margot Robbie And Saoirse Ronan Wore The Exact Same Cursed Amulet To The Oscars And Now Theyre Both Floating Above The Audience Speaking A Forgotten Language

Hollywood’s elite is on parade tonight at the Oscars, but one fashion faux pas is definitely turning some heads and sticking out like a sore thumb. In an unlucky coincidence, Margot Robbie and Saoirse Ronan wore identical cursed amulets, and now they’re both levitating above the audience and chanting in the same exact ancient language. So embarrassing. We can’t imagine how it feels to be floating in front of everyone at the Oscars in the same accursed jewelry. When you show up to a party, you want to stand out…

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Sort Of Heartwarming: This Father Was Pushing His Paralyzed Son In A Marathon But Ditched Him When He Realized He Had A Shot At Winning

Here’s a story that’s guaranteed to kind of warm your heart. Christopher Dabney has always done whatever he could to let his son, Zack, who has paraplegia, know that anything is possible. But yesterday, Dabney decided to do something for Zack that was almost pretty touching: He pushed his son most of the way through a marathon but then ditched him when he realized he had a shot at winning. Wow. Christopher trained for the Pittsfield marathon for nearly a year, never once going on a conditioning run without pushing…

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The Long Road To The Top: How Bursting Into Various Boardrooms And Shouting, Thats Where I Come In! Eventually Got Me A Job As A CEO At A Fortune 500 Company

I’m not embarrassed to say that I’ve got it all: the corner office with my name on the door, the private jet, the black card, the villa on the Riviera, and, yes, more money than I know what to do with. And I’m not ashamed, because everything I have I earned the hard way, through years of flinging open the doors to boardrooms and yelling, “That’s where I come in!” Sounds easy, right? Like anyone could do it? Sure, and who hasn’t idly daydreamed of kicking open a conference room…

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Its Our Duty To Support The Troops And The Second Amendment In Case We Ever Need To Kill Them All

These days, America faces its most troubling threats, both from the outside and the inside. Between terrorist groups like ISIS vowing daily to attack our citizens and our own government seemingly hellbent on infringing on our civil liberties, the American way of life as we know it is in constant danger. That’s why I believe that, regardless of politics, it’s everyone’s duty to support the troops, and also to support the Second Amendment should the day come when we need to overthrow the government and kill those troops. At the…

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Incredible! We Asked These Astronauts What Its Like To Be In Space

What’s it like to float hundreds of miles above the Earth’s surface? We asked seven astronauts to tell us everything. Eugene Cernan “It’s so inspiring to see the entire globe shimmering below you and realize that this is where prog rock started.” Eileen Collins “I was looking forward to being weightless, but gravity still works for me in space. It kind of sucks seeing all the other astronauts floating around while I’m stuck on the floor.” Barry Wilmore “You never know true beauty until you see Earth from space, or…

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