Odds and Ends 

The Long Road To The Top: How Bursting Into Various Boardrooms And Shouting, Thats Where I Come In! Eventually Got Me A Job As A CEO At A Fortune 500 Company

I’m not embarrassed to say that I’ve got it all: the corner office with my name on the door, the private jet, the black card, the villa on the Riviera, and, yes, more money than I know what to do with. And I’m not ashamed, because everything I have I earned the hard way, through years of flinging open the doors to boardrooms and yelling, “That’s where I come in!” Sounds easy, right? Like anyone could do it? Sure, and who hasn’t idly daydreamed of kicking open a conference room…

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Odds and Ends 

What Is A Good Gift For My Very Serious Nephew?

This joyless boy’s a mystery to me. Our state-of-the-art quizzes require JavaScript. 1. My nephew is a grave, grim boy who takes weekly oatmeal baths, writes trivia cards for no one, and dreams of designing a superior cigarette. Next week, he turns 12. What do you get a boy like that? A sober boy will go wild for shares of Quest Diagnostics stock. Spoil him rotten with a book of carpet samples. 2. In the past, I’ve bought him monochrome jigsaws, a model kit of the RMS Lusitania, and a…

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Odds and Ends 

Youve Been Elected To Congress! Can You Pass Even One Goddamn Bill?

This feature requires JavaScript to function. Yes! Let’s get to work! Minimum wage increase. Wider access to birth control. Yes! Submit a bill to the floor of the House of Representatives. Unfortunately, you were elected with the support of small-business owners, and this is an issue they will definitely not approve of. Politically, this is not a good time to try this. Maybe in a few years? Damn. Well, I guess I’ll pick another issue. A straw poll conducted in your state just five weeks ago shows that the public…

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