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PR Disaster: United Airlines Has Apologized To A Passenger After The Bomb In His Suitcase Was Destroyed Mid-Flight

United Airlines has been no stranger to PR disasters in recent years, but unfortunately, this devastating new development takes the cake: The beleaguered air carrier has apologized to a passenger after the bomb in his suitcase was destroyed mid-flight. Bradley Horne was flying from the U.K. to Washington, D.C. on what should have been an otherwise easy airplane trip. But when he boarded the plane with a briefcase containing an improvised explosive device, a flight attendant took the bag from him and carelessly stowed it in a crammed overhead bin.…

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Gaming History Unearthed:Fans Have Located The Desert Mass Grave Where Atari Buried All Of Its Employees Responsible For The E.T. Video Game

Looks like some online sleuths have uncovered a bit of gaming history a certain company would rather forget: Fans have located the desert mass grave where Atari buried all the employees responsible for the E.T. video game. Internet? You’re doing it right. “The gaming community has wondered for decades where Atari buried all those game developers after the E.T. game totally bombed, so a bunch of us on r/gaming split up areas near Atari offices on Google Earth to search for a bunch of skeletons that might suggest ‘mass grave,’”…

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Science FTW: A Team Of Weeping, Blood-Soaked Researchers Has Announced That The Music Of Phil Collins Makes Pandas Kill Each Other

Here’s some exciting news from the animal kingdom that’s really changing our understanding of the natural world. After an eventful morning at Zoo Atlanta’s giant-panda enclosure, a team of weeping, blood-soaked researchers has announced that the music of Phil Collins makes pandas kill each other! The groundbreaking discovery was made earlier today when a team of five zoologists turned on a Phil Collins Pandora station to listen to while they checked the animals’ vitals and accidentally triggered almost 15 minutes of unhinged bloodletting amongst the four giant pandas currently living…

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A Real Shame: Brian Williams Is Being Forced To Resign From MSNBC After Leaked Documents Have Revealed That Hes A Hillbilly

Brian Williams once boasted a reputation of being the most trusted name in news, but he’s now found himself in the midst of a controversy that has left him utterly disgraced. In a shocking turn of events, the iconic broadcaster is being forced to resign from MSNBC after leaked documents have revealed that he’s a hillbilly. While at first the network considered suspending Williams until the outcry subsided, it ultimately decided to cut ties altogether, as his sudden fall from grace was only accelerated after the public caught wind of…

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Goodbye Tinder: Facebooks New Dating App Finally Allows You To Romantically Connect With Your Dads Friend Who Likes All Your Posts Even Though Youve Never Met Him

Online dating can be a serious headache, and it’s more likely you’ll find yourself stuck in an endless cycle of dead-end first dates than in a compatible match. But if you’re experiencing dating app fatigue, don’t lose hope of finding that special someone just yet, because Facebook just announced a brand-new dating feature that will finally allow you to romantically connect with your dad’s friend who likes all of your posts even though you’ve never met him. Unveiled yesterday at Facebook’s annual F8 developer conference, the social media platform’s incredible…

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Fairness Win: The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame Is Removing Every Musician Who Used Marijuana To Help In Writing Their Songs

Rock music has captured America’s imagination for decades, but there is a longstanding underbelly of the industry that no one ever seems to want to talk about. But now one major institution is opening a dialogue and righting a major wrong: The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is removing every musician who used marijuana to help in writing their songs. “Marijuana can make the human brain over 100 times more likely to realize how beautiful the universe is, or how we all need to put down our guns and…

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Gamers Rejoice: Steam Is Having A Sale This Week On 50 Pounds Of Hot Salad For Only $5

If you’re a big-time gamer, you might want to get your credit card ready, because Steam just launched a brand-new sale that almost seems too good to be true. According to a recent post on the store’s front page, 50 pounds of hot salad will be available on Steam all week for only $5! You owe it to yourself to take advantage of this amazing deal. Wow. If you aren’t already sold on this awesome bargain, check out hot salad’s discounted listing on Steam and get hyped: Despite the insanely…

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Public Alert: The CDC Has Issued A Recall For All Romaine Lettuce Because Its Time For Pizza!

If you haven’t heard the news yet, pay attention, because there’s been an urgent public alert issued by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: Effective immediately, there is a nationwide recall for all romaine lettuce because it’s time for pizza! In a statement released earlier today, the CDC urged Americans to throw out any and all romaine lettuce bought in the past week because it’s time for some cheesy, piping-hot pizza with all your favorite toppings! The agency’s statement also warns that anybody who consumes romaine salad products of…

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The NRA Is Claiming That The Tennessee Waffle House Shooting Would Not Have Happened If An Armed Teacher Had Been Teaching A Math Class There

After yesterday’s tragic shooting at a Waffle House in Antioch, TN, the NRA has once again come forward to reiterate their support of gun rights and the Second Amendment. Early this morning, NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre held a press conference to discuss how such episodes of gun violence can be prevented by well-trained, armed school teachers who happen to be holding math class in a Waffle House. “I have no doubt in my mind that if a well-armed teacher with easy access to a firearm had been teaching…

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A Slippery Slope: Could Bill Cosbys Conviction Lead To A Mob Mentality Where Society Wantonly Punishes Any Serial Rapist After Decades Of Inaction?

Bill Cosby was convicted today on three counts of aggravated indecent assault, and though it seems Cosby is in fact guilty, the frenzied mass reaction from the public raises a troubling question: Could Bill Cosby’s conviction lead to a mob mentality where society wantonly punishes any serial rapist after decades of inaction? If we let ourselves get caught up in mass hysteria and punish a man for living out most of his life as a serial rapist, we’re setting a dangerous precedent that will allow us to remorselessly convict long-ignored…

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Bowing Out: Justin Timberlake Has Retired From Singing After Realizing That You Can Just Work In An Office

One of pop music’s most iconic superstars just announced that he’s stepping away from the microphone for good. Earlier today, Justin Timberlake issued a statement letting the world know that he’s retiring from singing after realizing you can just work in an office. Wow. This is truly the end of an era. Timberlake’s shocking message goes on to describe dozens of other reasons why he finds working in an office far superior to being a pop singer, including an anecdote of how he recently learned that in offices you’re allowed…

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I Did Everything I Could To Buy ClickHole, But Their Editorial Integrity Won Out Over My Billion-Dollar Offers, And I Respect Them Even More For That (By Elon Musk)

From electric cars to space travel to brain-computer interface technology, I am constantly expanding my portfolio to include big, forward-thinking ideas that I believe are worth investing in. That’s why when I first read ClickHole, I immediately envisioned the possibilities offered by their unwavering commitment to making all content go viral. I simply knew I had to be a part of what they were doing, even if it meant sacrificing a great portion of my own personal wealth. My efforts were to no avail. I did everything I could to…

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