I took a shower one Saturday morning and stared into the bathtub as the water flowed down the drain.
Those past few days I felt so disappointed with myself. I began questioning my abilities and capabilities as a person. I couldn’t understand the situation I was in. I was worried about everything.
I talked to my mom and dad, crying as I told them I was having a hard time and that I didn’t know what path should I take. As tears rolled down my face, I saw the sadness in my parents’ face as well. They were worried about me but couldn’t do anything more because I lived countries away from them. I tried my best to let them know that I was feeling a little better than what I felt the first couple of minutes that I’d been talking to them. But as soon as I hung up the phone I was back to feeling alone again.
I lay on my bed and thought about this feeling of sadness and disappointment I have with myself. Then it hit me: maybe God would help me understand things. Maybe God knew the answers to my questions.
So I prayed. I didn’t ask Him to take away the pain, but I asked Him to grant me courage to accept the things that I couldn’t change. I didn’t ask Him to stop my disappointment, but I asked Him to give me the patience to slowly understand myself. I didn’t ask Him to give me all the luck I could get, but I asked Him to not leave me and just guide me.
Life isn’t made up of just the good. It doesn’t always work out the way we plan and expect it to. There are unseen situations and an unpredictable future ahead of us. I learned this the hard way.
I may not know the life that God has prepared for me, and I may not understand the things He is throwing at me right now, but I will always have faith in Him. I will always trust the plans that He has made and I will trust His timing.
When all else fails, God doesn’t. When everyone else gives up on you, He never will. When everyone sees you as a failure, He sees you as art. When everything else is a blur, pray.