Hey it’s me, Thanos.
I have a bone to pick with all of you.
I’m being vilified and mocked by a lot of people online right now and I am not just going to sit there and take it from you people. It’s unjust, it’s unfair, and it’s completely uncalled for.
(Spoilers in case you haven’t caught up on the news about the so-called “Infinity War” that just went down)
Everybody seems to be focusing on the fact that I killed 50% of the universe’s population, including many people’s loved ones, and even some of the most revered heroes from Earth and beyond. Nobody cares that the only reason I did this was because I wanted what’s best for the universe.
The universe has a finite amount of resources and the only way for life to persist comfortably within those means is to kill off half the universe. I want everyone to live happily. And by everyone I mean 50% of the universe’s current population.
It sounds nice, doesn’t it? Those who don’t die get to live without hunger. Resources will be plentiful so most wars will be a thing of the past. It’s an airtight plan to save the universe.
Look at how this very website’s Angie Han describes me: “Thanos makes for a pretty good excuse to bring together the Avengers … As an actual character, though, Thanos leaves something to be desired.”
I leave something to be desired? Are you kidding me? What more could you ask from me? I made a plan and I followed it. I did what needed to be done. I was raised to be a go-getter, to look after myself, and do what’s best for everyone. Sometimes you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelette.
And look at this poor excuse for journalism by Jess Joho, which, while seemingly applauding what I did for the universe (thank you), it repeatedly refers to me as a villain, a bad guy. Are bad guys the ones that save the universe all of a sudden?
Why is everyone calling me a villain? Yes, I admit, I killed a lot of people when I snapped my fingers, but I did what’s best for the universe. So why are places like CNet calling me a villain? Not only that, but they referred to me as smug, arrogant, and even have the gall to point out my baldness.
Or how about this “article” that basically takes all of my very-well-thought-out ideas and basically boils them down to one sentence: “none of that makes a lick of sense.”
I’m here to set everything straight. I’m not a villain. I’m not a bad guy. I am not smug or arrogant. My ideas are solid. My plan was good and I don’t care who doesn’t think so, because you know what? I did what was right. Call it genocide or whatever else you want, I did what was best for the universe.
And by universe I mean the 50% of people who I didn’t turn into dust.